Latest NFL leadsAndrew Luck | Justin Casterline / Getty Images

This week there were rumors that Andrew Luck can come out of retirement. Pat McAfee has broken down some text messages on Tuesday, suggesting they may have no basis in reality. Since then, nothing has emerged to suggest otherwise. In fact, Jim Irsay, owner of Indianapolis Colts, spoke to Chris Widlic of FOX 59 in Indianapolis on Thursday and said he wished it was true, but it isn’t. over FOX59::

“I’ll tell you that, Chris, and all Colt fans,” said the second-generation owner of the Colts. “I think everyone just has to digest the fact that they are more retired now than they were a year and a half ago. I mean he’s retired. “Only Andrew knows, of course, because it’s his choice, but all I can say is that he is definitely retired and there really is no leeway or rumors or as much as people would like to hear.” Believe me, I wish it was true and I hid an announcement that we could post in two days, but it doesn’t. “

That’s disappointing because the Colts need a quarterback and Luck, a four-time Pro Bowl quarterback, turns 32 this year. Where is happiness going now? Here are five possible destinations.

This one is obvious. Andrew Luck has a wife and a child to feed. He also eats. Probably. That said, the Lucks need food. Where better to get it than at a grocery store? While raising a one year old, they will likely still find time to create a menu for the week ahead and have a detailed grocery list. It’s just what you’d expect from a man who treats every trip to the store with the attention and willingness he gave the Colts on Sundays.

Happiness loves to read. He was that unofficial team librarian when he played for the Colts. As LeVar Burton taught us, you can fly twice as high as a butterfly in the sky if you just look at it, it’s in a book, visit your local public library because reading is fundamental.

Look, all work and no play makes Andrew Luck as boring as Andrew Luck sometimes seems. When happiness needs some time to relax, he can go to his favorite chair or on the couch and watch movies or watch TV. Maybe he’s the guy who comes to his scene in Parks & Rec and keeps watching it. He grins at how great he looks pinning his two lines down and delivering a perfect pass to Chris Pratt in the end zone.

Do you think Luck would go to a big box dealer or support a locally owned hardware store? He seems like the type of guy who likes to hang out and talk about the latest Binford tools with his fellow guys who are guys, but maybe also likes to walk through those cavernous passages. Either way, he’s retired and if he wants to be around the house all day his wife has a list of things to do.

What if the person behind all the luck rumors is actually Luck himself? He has all the time in his hands. He’s in the age group he would be chronically online. Maybe he’s on Reddit saying he saw himself on the local high school soccer field playing tag with TY Hilton. Treating text messages to make it appear like the employee’s best friend heard his cousin’s wife say he “had a scratchy finish.” You saw how mean he was to Jerry in that Parks & Rec clip. Who knows what else he is capable of. And Colt’s fans want this guy back? Madness.