It looks like Erling Haaland landed in the classic scenario “Two dates for the prom”.
Except he has six dates instead of two. And instead of a prom, it’s a summer battle between a number of tough European football clubs, all of which are prepared to trigger the most extravagant bidding wars for the child prodigy Borussia Dortmund.
At 20, there may never be a better time to sign Haaland than this summer. He has the world at his feet and at a time when elite goalscorers are difficult to find, someone like Haaland may not keep up for quite a while.
Obviously, if you’re not interested in signing Haaland, you’ve got to have rocks on your mind, and that’s how almost every giant bangs their eyelids forward facing a summer transfer war. Ultimately, however, he will have the final say, and it seems like he narrowed his choices to six.
So who are the clubs he would like to join and which would be the best option for him? 90 minutes are the six clubs (including a seventh we threw in) that Haaland is a perfect match this summer.
It’s a no from Erling in this case INA FASSBENDER / Getty Images
Benefits: Chelsea I really, really want Haaland and even if he is not convinced, they will rarely prove to him what an attractive club they can be. Prepare to be courted by Erling as the Blues will do everything in their power to pull you to Stamford Bridge.
Disadvantage: The Blues have spent a lot of money on expensive stars in recent windows, but it hasn’t really worked. Sustainable success is also not in their nature. It’s more of a “win a title, finish 7th next season” sort of thing.
Stylistic fit: Obviously, Haaland doesn’t see Chelsea as a serious target himself, and their inability to find a system for the other Bundesliga graduates Kai Havertz and Timo Werner could have something to do with his reluctance.
Haaland luck – 1/10: Technically, Chelsea should be a more prosperous and fertile home than some of the other names on this list, but the Norwegian striker just doesn’t see them as a realistic option.
Sharing love | Lars Baron / Getty Images
Benefits: The weather in Barcelona is lovely – beautiful beaches for Haaland, and he can fill his Instagram feed with pictures of sunsets and great food, all with sangria in hand. How good does that sound?
Disadvantage: Barcelona burns. Not in the sense of “you kill it” but in the sense of “The club is on fire and all employees have gasoline in the sense of the word.”
In particular, the ex-president was recently arrested for hiring a company to attack the images of his own players. The unspeakable debts are rising, and their star player is the most wretched man in the world.
Stylistic fit: Who knows what Barça’s style is. Ronald Koeman has continued the subject in an aesthetically pleasing manner when it fits, but as firm as a trifle when it gets a little difficult.
Haaland luck – 3/10: A decade ago this would have been a no-brainer. Now Barcelona is a must-have for any player looking to guarantee their own immediate and long-term success.
GOOOOOOOAAALLLLLL !!!! Erling Haaland makes it 1-0 #BMGBVB pic.twitter.com/1obVwNopj6
– BVB Buzz (@BVBBuzz) March 2, 2021
Benefits: Haaland was able to fulfill every footballer’s dream by playing alongside the greats Cristiano Ronaldo.
Disadvantage: He had to play alongside the ghost of Cristiano Ronaldo and push him around in a wheelchair as the Portuguese star reminds him of how many Ballon d’Or trophies he has won.
Stylistic fit: Juventus are in the middle of a transition period and Haaland should be careful about tying his future to a club led by inexperienced coach Andrea Pirlo. He wants guaranteed success, not be hired by people to single-handedly inspire him.
Haaland luck – 5/10: Much like Barça, Juve was a much more appetizing prospect a few years ago. He may take the risk of making a revolution, but it will waste a few years of his career if he cannot restore it to its former glory.
Haaland played during his time at RB Salzburg | v Liverpool Michael Molzar / Getty Images
Benefits: Haaland would enjoy the luxury of playing under Jürgen Klopp in a club that creates an atmosphere similar to that in Dortmund. He may also have some memorable Anfield moments in the Champions League.
Disadvantage: He has to learn how to handle a junk if he is to take the headlines and fame away from the typical trio. Internal competition is strong.
Stylistic fit: What striker would not thrive in Klopp’s attacking system surrounded by diamonds, if a touch selfish Mohamed Salah and Sadio Mane? Goals galore.
Haaland luck – 6/10: On paper, it’s not a bad move for Haaland, and he would likely have great success on Merseyside. The problems come from the field, however, given Liverpools Lack of money and their desire to pinch the pennies instead of splattering them.
However, is it too good to miss?
GROUP HUG?
?? @ErlingHaaland
??????? Sanchooo10
?? @woodyinho #DFBPokal #BMGBVB 0-1 pic.twitter.com/lGkdRbEgWG
– The DFB Cup (@DFBPokal_EN) March 2, 2021
Benefits: He knows Ole Gunnar Solskjaer from their time together at Molde in Norway, which means he understands how the manager works and how much success he is likely to bring.
disadvantage: The pro mentioned above could also be a massive disadvantage depending on your opinion on Solskjaer.
Stylistic fit: Solskjaer’s inability to get the most out of Romelu Lukaku, who is one of the top five strikers in the world today, must be a problem for any striker considering joining Old Trafford. However, he would work under one of the best finishers of his time.
Haaland luck – 7/10: This could be a signing of “Bruno Fernandes Success” or it could also turn out to be some kind of deal from Memphis Depay / Angel Di Maria / Lukaku etc. Manchester United build on something special, but at the same time they still have Phil Jones in their books. It’s a confusing place.
Superman | High Quality Sports Pictures / Getty Images
Benefits: real Madrid are the largest club in world football and the most iconic. The bright lights of Santiago Bernabeu and the glossy white shirt are often enough to convince any footballer in the world to move to the Spanish capital.
Disadvantage: Even after winning the league title, Madrid seem to be limping and sticking plasters over their visible and gaping wounds. Is Zidane really the man to help you move forward in the long term? Can you successfully make the transition from the old to the younger generation? Will Karim Benzema ever give up the role of that striker? Lots of questions.
Stylistic fit: Madrid are still in search of the rightful heir to the aging Benzema throne and Haaland would expect to roll right in the side. Los Blancos can be a little stale in their game. So don’t expect the odds to flow just because Haaland is in town.
Haaland luck – 8/10: Leading the line for great Madrid is probably every boy’s dream and the mega-money combined with the club’s stature is reason enough to take the step. Haaland could make Los Blancos the most feared team in Europe again.
10 – Erling Haaland has scored 10 Champions League goals in just seven games for Borussia Dortmund. This is the fastest game a player has ever scored for a team in competition. He broke Roy Makaay’s record at Bayern Munich (10 games between 2003 and 2004). . Machine. pic.twitter.com/quQJearNfh
– OptaJoe (@OptaJoe) February 17, 2021
Benefits: He is allowed to play in the under Pep Guardiola Premier Leagueand deserve an excellent salary at the club his father once represented. It’s all a little romantic. Manchester city are currently also the most shapely and scary team in Europe.
Disadvantage: Manchester is extremely rainy. He can also get frustrated when faced with the wall that Scott Carson trains on every day. His confidence may decline later.
Stylistic fit: Guardiola has managed to build a team that doesn’t even depend on a center forward, but whose productivity could be shockingly multiplied with a Haaland figure at the top. For more evidence of a game made in heaven, see Sergio Aguero’s stats.
Haaland luck 9/10: This is as close to perfection as possible. Haaland can follow in his father’s footsteps, lead Man City to world domination, win 10 Ballon d’Ors in a row and earn a shingle load of money in the process. Now just hand in the papers.
